So Paris is melting, and what do its citizens do? They plunge into the Canal Saint-Martin like a pack of hyperbolic Roman satirists fleeing Nero’s fire. The French government issues a red alert. The mercury shatters records. And yet, the response is a steamy bath of improvised communalism. How quaint. How utterly medieval.
Meanwhile, across the Channel, the British response to urban heat—admittedly rare enough to be a national curiosity—has been elevated to something resembling a science. While Parisians have turned their city into a soggy caricature of a Southern European beach holiday, London has quietly deployed water misting systems, green roofs, and a tree-planting strategy that would make any Victorian municipal reformer weep with joy. The contrast is so stark it is almost embarrassing. Almost.
I refer not to some misplaced patriotism but to a sobering observation of historical cycles. We are living in an era of intellectual decadence, where the grand narratives of progress have been replaced by tweets and viral videos of people splashing in a canal. The Fall of Rome was preceded by a loss of civic competence. The Victorian era, by contrast, was an age of systematic improvement. Which one does France resemble today?
The French love a grand idea. They have a national identity built on philosophy, revolution, and baguettes. But when the heat hits, it seems the grand ideas evaporate. Their heatwave plans rely on opening public pools and urging people to stay indoors. This is not strategy. This is a pathetic retreat. The British, always more pragmatic, have invested in infrastructure. We plant trees not just for aesthetics but for shade. We design buildings not just to look good but to stay cool. It is not glamorous. It is effective.
Do not mistake me for a cheerleader of British exceptionalism. We have our own failures. But in this one arena, the numbers speak: fewer heat-related deaths per capita. Lower hospital admissions during heatwaves. These are not accidents. They are the fruits of a culture that values incremental improvement over grand gesture.
So go ahead, Parisians. Take your dip. But know that when the next alert comes, and the one after that, you will still be scrambling for a solution while Londoners sip their lukewarm tea in shaded gardens. The cycle of history turns, and the intellectual decadence of the present will be judged by the resilience of its cities.
