In a move that has left political analysts speechless and dairy farmers mildly aroused, Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey has announced his party's flagship policy: a statutory requirement for every British household to consume a minimum of 200 grams of Stilton cheese per week. The announcement, made from the edge of a bungee platform in Rhyl, saw Davey hurtle towards a giant vat of the blue-veined beast while clutching a copy of the 1944 Education Act. 'This is the radical change Britain needs,' he reportedly gurgled through a mouthful of Stilton as he was fished out by a pod of beige-clad spin doctors.
The directive, to be enforced by a newly created Ministry of Mould, has been hailed by the British Cheese Board as 'a bold step towards making our nation grate again.' Critics, however, have pointed out that the policy appears to be a thinly veiled attempt to distract from the party's lack of a coherent housing strategy. Meanwhile, the Prime Minister, caught off guard, was seen desperately trying to remember where he had left his emergency Brie.
