In a twist that even the most fevered of comic book editors would deem too ridiculous for print, the so-called ‘Spider-Man of Yemen’ has met his end in a volcanic crater. Yes, a real one, not the metaphorical pit of despair that is modern geopolitics, though I suspect he’d have found that equally fatal.
The man, whose real name was Ahmed al-Ghamdi but who preferred the cape, the tights, and the wholly inappropriate moniker that suggests he could cling to walls, was reportedly attempting to rescue a goat from the rim of an active volcano. Because nothing says ‘heroic intervention’ like risking your life for a creature that will likely be eaten within the week. The goat, I am told, survived. Because of course it did.
Al-Ghamdi, a 27-year-old former Saudi construction worker, had taken to dressing as the web-slinger to entertain children in war-torn regions. He was, by all accounts, a beacon of joy in a land that has seen more than its share of misery. But let’s be clear: the man scaled a volcano in a spandex suit. The only thing that could have made this more absurd would be if he’d been fighting a giant lizard. Wait, that’s just a Tuesday in Yemen.
The incident has, predictably, been seized upon by pundits as a ‘metaphor for the region’s instability’. As if we needed a man in a Halloween costume falling into a geological feature to remind us that Yemen is a disaster zone. The country has been torn apart by civil war, famine, and disease. But sure, let’s focus on the bloke who thought he was a superhero. That’s the real tragedy.
Or perhaps it is. Because in a world where children are starving and bombs fall like rain, a man in a red-and-blue suit trying to save a goat is a kind of madness that feels almost noble. It’s the madness of hope. And hope, as we know, is a bloody dangerous thing in a place like Yemen. It gets you killed.
The crater in question, located in the Harra of Arhab volcanic field, is said to be 200 metres deep. That’s deep enough to swallow a man, a goat, and any illusions that we are living in a rational universe. The authorities have recovered the body, but they’ve yet to issue a statement on whether they plan to give him a proper funeral or just wrap him in a comic book and bury him under a pile of rubble. Which, let’s face it, is the Yemeni way.
So, what have we learned? That the region is unstable. That even Spidey can’t save everyone. That goats are bastards. And that if you’re going to dress up as a superhero in a war zone, for God’s sake, avoid the active volcanoes. There are enough ways to die already.
I propose a toast to Ahmed al-Ghamdi, the Spider-Man of Yemen. May he swing through the halls of Valhalla, or wherever good-hearted idiots go when they’ve had their fill of this miserable, beautiful world. And may his goat live a long and productive life, preferably far from any craters.
Biff Thistlethwaite, reporting from the edge of the abyss. And by abyss, I mean my third gin.
