In a development so predictable it could have been scripted by a committee of hungover satirists, Donald Trump is reportedly eyeing a reset with Colombia following the election of an outsider candidate. The City of London, ever the amorous suitor when it comes to trade deals, is already salivating at the prospect. One can almost hear the clinking of champagne flutes and the rustling of bespoke suits as bankers prepare to descend on Bogotá like a plague of locusts in pinstripes.
Let us pause to consider the sheer absurdity of this geopolitical fandango. Trump, a man whose foreign policy doctrine appears to have been cribbed from a discarded Monopoly board, now seeks to mend fences with a nation he once threatened with tariffs over the issue of border security. The irony is so thick you could cut it with a machete. Colombia's new leader, a chap who emerged from the political wilderness with a mandate to shake things up, is presumably being briefed on the art of the deal by advisors who have studied the Trump playbook: threaten, bluster, then claim victory when the other side blinks.
Meanwhile, the City of London, that venerable temple of Mammon, sees opportunity where others see chaos. Trade delegations are being assembled faster than you can say 'free trade agreement' and the sound of calculators being polished is deafening. But let us not forget the human cost of such diplomatic shuffling. Behind every statistic about increased exports and favourable exchange rates lies a Colombian farmer or a London office worker, whose life will be tangentially affected by the whims of men in suits. It is a dance as old as colonialism, albeit with better tailoring and worse music.
This is not diplomacy; it is a circus. A circus in which the clowns have been replaced by hedge fund managers and the ringmaster is a man with a peculiar shade of orange hair. The reset button has been pressed so many times it has worn a groove in the global political console. Perhaps it is time to admit that the game is rigged and that the only winners are those who profit from the chaos. As for the rest of us, we are left to watch the spectacle, gin in hand, wondering whether to laugh or weep.
In conclusion, if this is the new era of international relations, then pass me another drink. Preferably something strong enough to anaesthetise the cynicism. The Trump-Colombia reset is not a story of hope or progress; it is a reminder that in the theatre of politics, the curtain never falls. It just gets pulled back to reveal another act of breathtaking banality.
