In a development that has sent shockwaves through the chattering classes of Islington, a British rapid response team has been praised for their 'heroic' efforts following the Venezuelan earthquakes. The team, presumably armed with nothing but stiff upper lips and PG Tips, arrived just in time to be photographed looking concerned while locals did the actual digging. Meanwhile, the internet has united in a fervour of 'thoughts and prayers', which, as we all know, are the spiritual equivalent of putting a plaster on a severed artery.
The quakes, measuring a respectable 6.0 on the Richter scale, have left hundreds homeless and countless more trembling with the realisation that the universe is, in fact, a capricious bastard. But fear not: the British government has dispatched a mobile gin distillery and a copy of 'The Rules of the Game' to ensure proper protocol is observed.
One survivor, interviewed through a translator, was quoted as saying 'Gracias' before being handed a pamphlet on queue etiquette. As the aftershocks continue, we can only hope the prayers are seismic-resistant.
