In a week that has seen more geopolitical pivoting than a tipsy ballerina, Chinese President Xi Jinping played host to Vladimir Putin, just days after chatting with Donald Trump. The UK’s foreign office, ever the voice of reason in a world gone mad, has warned that this merry-go-round of autocrats constitutes an 'axis against Western values.' Well, knock me down with a feathered quill and call me astonished.
Let us examine this political potpourri. Xi, a man whose smile could curdle milk, rolled out the red carpet for Putin, a man who has single-handedly turned the term 'special military operation' into the year’s most criminal euphemism. Meanwhile, Trump, the orange-crowned monarch of Mar-a-Lago, apparently had a cozy chat with Xi about the state of the world, probably over a glass of something expensive and a side of mutual admiration for authoritarian efficiency.
The UK’s warning, delivered with all the gravitas of a man in a top hat telling you your umbrella is inside out, suggests that this triumvirate of strongmen is plotting to undermine the very fabric of democracy. Really? I’m sure they’re just having a nice cup of tea and discussing the best ways to silence journalists and rig elections. Standard stuff, really.
One can almost hear the collective sigh from Whitehall as they dust off their Churchill quotes and pretend this isn’t just another Tuesday in the theatre of the absurd. But let’s not forget the exquisite irony: the West, which has spent decades lecturing others on values, now finds itself playing second fiddle to a bunch of men who think 'human rights' is a garnish on a cocktail.
As Putin and Xi grin for the cameras, they might as well be holding up a sign that says 'We Do What We Want.' And Trump, ever the wildcard, will probably tweet something about how he could host better state dinners. The axis of what, exactly? Values? More like the axis of convenience, where everyone gets to pretend they’re not doing exactly what they’re doing.
So here we are, watching the world’s most powerful men play musical chairs with global stability, while the UK warns from the sidelines like a concerned parent at a music festival. Perhaps the real lesson is that in the game of thrones, you win or you die, or you just host a lot of summits and hope nobody notices the planet is on fire. Cheers to that.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a gin. A large one.
