In a tale of triumph over terror that has sent shivers down the spines of the medically certified and the molluscs of the deep, a Sydney woman has emerged from a coma after surviving a shark attack. The woman, who had been playing underwater bingo in the shallows off Bondi before her unlucky number came up, woke with a start and immediately demanded to know where her handbag was. British doctors, flown in on a wave of colonial guilt, have praised the Australian medical establishment for 'really quite competent care, if a little too informal with the patients.
' The woman, who shall remain nameless in order to protect her from the inevitable onslaught of reality TV offers, is said to be in 'spirits higher than the cost of a pint in Knightsbridge.' She will be released later this week, presumably to a hero's welcome involving a lot of prawns and a deep-seated fear of the sea. This reporter for one can only applaud her recovery, while also noting that if he were ever bitten by a shark, he would insist on a proper British-style seaside bandage and a cup of tea.
The shark, meanwhile, has been identified as a 'misunderstood' great white by local environmentalists, who claim the attack was 'a cry for help, or possibly just a case of mistaken identity, thinking her leg was a particularly plump seal.' A press conference is scheduled for tomorrow, where the woman's first words to the public will be broadcast, probably something along the lines of 'I'm going to Disneyland, then I'm going to have a very stern word with the ocean.
