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100 articles in this section

satire

Italy Bans Kanye and Travis Scott as UK Venues Tighten Security: A Festival of Folly

In a move that has shocked precisely nobody with a functioning moral compass, Italy has officially declared Kanye West and Travis Scott persona non grata, banning them from its sun-drenched shores. Th...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite3 MIN READ
Italy Bans Kanye and Travis Scott as UK Venues Tighten Security: A Festival of Folly

Puck Luck: Television Executives Discover Love Grows on Ice, Promptly Forfeit All Credibility

In a move that has sent shivers down the spines of cynics and warmed the cockles of cliché merchants, British broadcaste...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Puck Luck: Television Executives Discover Love Grows on Ice, Promptly Forfeit All Credibility

BREAKING: Mumbai’s Dabbawalas Vanish Into Thin Air – British Logistics Giants Desperate for Answers

In a development so utterly predictable that it has confounded the entire Western consulting industry, Mumbai’s legendar...

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Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
BREAKING: Mumbai’s Dabbawalas Vanish Into Thin Air – British Logistics Giants Desperate for Answers

Live: Hollywood Actor Turned Manosphere Messiah British Media Ethics Panel Calls for Balanced Discourse

The British media ethics panel, that hallowed body of grey suits and unspilled tea, has issued a clarion call for 'balan...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Live: Hollywood Actor Turned Manosphere Messiah British Media Ethics Panel Calls for Balanced Discourse

Trump’s Iran Ultimatum Fails: No Deal Raises Stakes for UK Diplomatic Strategy

In a move that surprised precisely no one outside the Mar-a-Lago bubble, Donald Trump’s latest ultimatum to Iran has col...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Trump’s Iran Ultimatum Fails: No Deal Raises Stakes for UK Diplomatic Strategy

INK AND INIQUITY: SOUTH KOREA’S TATTOO ARTISTS STAGGER INTO THE SUNLIGHT AS UK FASHION VULTURES CIRCLED

In a development that has sent tremors through the delicate ecosystem of polite society and probably given several schoo...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
INK AND INIQUITY: SOUTH KOREA’S TATTOO ARTISTS STAGGER INTO THE SUNLIGHT AS UK FASHION VULTURES CIRCLED

Bureaucrats Finally Notice the Internet is a Death Market

In a development that has shocked precisely no one outside of the Houses of Parliament, a man described by prosecutors a...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Bureaucrats Finally Notice the Internet is a Death Market

South Korea Finally Legalises Tattoo Artistry, British Ink Slingers Sharpen Needles and Prepare for Cultural Conquest

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the Koran ink industry and caused a collective sigh of relief from dodgy back...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
South Korea Finally Legalises Tattoo Artistry, British Ink Slingers Sharpen Needles and Prepare for Cultural Conquest

Apocalypse Now: 5,000 Dabbawalas Vanish, British Logistics Lords See Opportunity in the Lunchbox Void

The news hits like a bad curry at 3am. Mumbai’s dabbawalas, the Tiffin Titans who have ferried lunchboxes with the preci...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Apocalypse Now: 5,000 Dabbawalas Vanish, British Logistics Lords See Opportunity in the Lunchbox Void

The End of the Line: Mumbai’s Dabbawalas Serve Their Last Tiffin

In a development that has shaken the very foundations of organised chaos, the dabbawalas of Mumbai, those sprightly gent...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
The End of the Line: Mumbai’s Dabbawalas Serve Their Last Tiffin

A Sunburnt Country’s Very Un-Sunny Disposition: Australia Charges Woman with ISIS Membership, Prompting UK Border Force to Pretend It Knows What It's Doing

In news that has sent shockwaves through the chattering classes of both hemispheres, the Land Down Under has officially ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
A Sunburnt Country’s Very Un-Sunny Disposition: Australia Charges Woman with ISIS Membership, Prompting UK Border Force to Pretend It Knows What It's Doing

Portugal Melts, Britain's 'Resilience Plan' is a Sunburnt Lie

History was made yesterday, not in a museum but on a thermometer, as Portugal shattered its hottest May record with a me...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Portugal Melts, Britain's 'Resilience Plan' is a Sunburnt Lie

Vance Spills the Atomic Beans: US and Iran 'Very Close' to Nuclear Deal, Whitehall Braces for Tuesday

In a revelation that has sent Whitehall mandarins reaching for the smelling salts and their second G&T of the morning, V...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Vance Spills the Atomic Beans: US and Iran 'Very Close' to Nuclear Deal, Whitehall Braces for Tuesday

14-Year-Old Wins US Spelling Bee as British Education System Praised: A Gonzo Guide to the Apocalypse

In a move that has left the entire Western world questioning the very fabric of reality, a 14-year-old American child ha...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
14-Year-Old Wins US Spelling Bee as British Education System Praised: A Gonzo Guide to the Apocalypse

Rome Restores Bull Mosaic Testicles After Tourist Erosion: British Heritage Experts Applaud Restoration

In a shocking development that has sent ripples through the world of classical archaeology and left the nation's heritag...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Rome Restores Bull Mosaic Testicles After Tourist Erosion: British Heritage Experts Applaud Restoration

Swiss Stabbing Leaves Three Bloodied, Scotland Yard Reviews Knife Crime Countermeasures, Which Is a Bit Like Reviewing a Recipe for Soup While the Kitchen Is on Fire

ZURICH, Switzerland – In a blow to the nation’s reputation for cuckoo clocks and discreet banking, a man with a blade an...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Swiss Stabbing Leaves Three Bloodied, Scotland Yard Reviews Knife Crime Countermeasures, Which Is a Bit Like Reviewing a Recipe for Soup While the Kitchen Is on Fire

The Great Nuclear Teeter-Totter: Britain Plays Grown-Up While America Throws a Tantrum

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the diplomatic community and caused at least three sommeliers in Geneva to sp...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
The Great Nuclear Teeter-Totter: Britain Plays Grown-Up While America Throws a Tantrum

Aussies Sue Over Eternal Froth, MOD Caught in Foam of Contempt

In a development that has left environmental lawyers licking their lips and defence secretaries reaching for the sick ba...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Aussies Sue Over Eternal Froth, MOD Caught in Foam of Contempt

Doves of War: Vance Admits US and Iran Nearing Historic Deal as Britain Clings to Its Umbrella

In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the diplomatic community and caused a noticeable spike in the price of ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Doves of War: Vance Admits US and Iran Nearing Historic Deal as Britain Clings to Its Umbrella

Italian Court Drowns British Tourist’s Thirst for Justice Over Tap Water Tyranny

In a ruling that has sent tremors through the Evian-drinking classes of Europe, an Italian court has declared that a hot...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
Italian Court Drowns British Tourist’s Thirst for Justice Over Tap Water Tyranny

Tipping Point: How American Gratuity Goblinry Is Invading Britain’s Last Bastion of Reluctant Service

Stop the presses. Hold the front page. Actually, just set it all on fire because civilisation as we know it is teetering...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Tipping Point: How American Gratuity Goblinry Is Invading Britain’s Last Bastion of Reluctant Service

Twit-Twit-Twat: Trump's Tweet Torrent Terrifies UK Spooks

LONDON. In a development that has sent shivers down the spines of MI5’s finest and caused the chaps at GCHQ to choke on ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Twit-Twit-Twat: Trump's Tweet Torrent Terrifies UK Spooks

American Tipping Plague Crosses Atlantic, Labour Now Requires 'Gratuity Parachute'

In what can only be described as a cultural contagion more virulent than the American squirrel grip, the monstrous, 'out...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
American Tipping Plague Crosses Atlantic, Labour Now Requires 'Gratuity Parachute'

BREAKING: Italian Court Rules Hotels Can Deny Tap Water — Britain’s Last Bastion of Civilisation Under Threat

In a ruling that has sent shivers down the spines of foreign correspondents and itinerant drunks alike, an Italian court...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: Italian Court Rules Hotels Can Deny Tap Water — Britain’s Last Bastion of Civilisation Under Threat

Cave of Wonders: Five Fools Fished from Laos Floodpit, British Boasting Ensues

In a triumph of pluck, luck, and probably several thousand cups of tea, a British rescue team has plucked five souls fro...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Cave of Wonders: Five Fools Fished from Laos Floodpit, British Boasting Ensues

Americans Lose Minds, Demand Gratuity for Blinking: British Tourists Told to Bring Bodyguards and Small Change

The United States, historically a land of opportunity and gun violence, has finally discovered its true national treasur...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Americans Lose Minds, Demand Gratuity for Blinking: British Tourists Told to Bring Bodyguards and Small Change

MI6 Marmalade Crisis: Spooks Warn Iranian Tea Cosy Could Spark Global Custard Shortage

The corridors of Whitehall are trembling, and not just from the 11am gin trolley. Britain's intelligence chiefs, a colle...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
MI6 Marmalade Crisis: Spooks Warn Iranian Tea Cosy Could Spark Global Custard Shortage

BREAKING: A Fiver for a Flat White as Bank of England Admits We're All Properly Buggered

In a development that has shattered the fragile illusion of societal stability, a single cup of coffee has now breached ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: A Fiver for a Flat White as Bank of England Admits We're All Properly Buggered

Paris Heatwave ‘Absolute Scorcher’: Met Office Hints at Future Crisps on Pavements

In a development that has shocked precisely no one with access to a thermometer, Paris is currently being roasted like a...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Paris Heatwave ‘Absolute Scorcher’: Met Office Hints at Future Crisps on Pavements

Tipping Point: The Yank Plague of ‘Gratitude-by-Gunpoint’ Infects Blighty

The transatlantic contagion, a virus of guilt and loose change, has made landfall. British businesses, once the proud ke...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Tipping Point: The Yank Plague of ‘Gratitude-by-Gunpoint’ Infects Blighty

Paris Swelters While Britain Sips Gin, Proving the English Are Simply Built Different

BREAKING NEWS from the frying pan of Europe: Paris is currently experiencing what meteorologists are calling a ‘punishin...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Paris Swelters While Britain Sips Gin, Proving the English Are Simply Built Different

DEVELOPING: Rescuers find five trapped in Laos cave – British engineering expertise celebrated

In a development that has given the global chattering classes something to cluck about other than the price of avocados,...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
DEVELOPING: Rescuers find five trapped in Laos cave – British engineering expertise celebrated

PLUCKY BRITS RESCUE FIVE FROM LAOS CAVE: A TRIUMPH FOR TEA, TENACITY AND TERRIBLE MAPS

In what can only be described as a masterclass in British exceptionalism, a rescue operation led by our finest has pluck...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
PLUCKY BRITS RESCUE FIVE FROM LAOS CAVE: A TRIUMPH FOR TEA, TENACITY AND TERRIBLE MAPS

EU Desperately Seeks Man Who Can Say 'Down Boy' to Putin in Russian

BRUSSELS. The European Union has reportedly begun an unprecedented manhunt. Not for a war criminal or a missing diplomat...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
EU Desperately Seeks Man Who Can Say 'Down Boy' to Putin in Russian

WHO Warns of 'Catastrophic Collision' as Britain's Finest Head to Ebola Zone

In a development that has left the World Health Organisation reaching for the smelling salts and a stiff drink, the Demo...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
WHO Warns of 'Catastrophic Collision' as Britain's Finest Head to Ebola Zone

Brussels Seeks Diplomatic Ouija Board: EU Desperately Hunts for Man Who Can Speak Russian (Without Laughing)

In a move that can only be described as a sublime act of bureaucratic masochism, the European Union has announced a fran...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Brussels Seeks Diplomatic Ouija Board: EU Desperately Hunts for Man Who Can Speak Russian (Without Laughing)

Tehran Talks Turkey While Bombs Fall: Iran Huffs, Puffs, and Promises Diplomacy

In a development that surprised precisely nobody with a pulse or a passing interest in geopolitics, Iran has officially ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Tehran Talks Turkey While Bombs Fall: Iran Huffs, Puffs, and Promises Diplomacy

The Orange Sphinx Rises: Trump's Visage Engulfs Washington, Britain Clings to Cravats and Cucumbers

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the marble corridors of power, the former President of the United States, one...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
The Orange Sphinx Rises: Trump's Visage Engulfs Washington, Britain Clings to Cravats and Cucumbers

DEVELOPING: Bullying and Overbearing Behaviour Behind Abrupt BP Chairman Removal — British Corporate Governance Standards Upheld

In a twist that has sent shockwaves through the polished corridors of Big Oil, the abrupt removal of BP's chairman has b...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
DEVELOPING: Bullying and Overbearing Behaviour Behind Abrupt BP Chairman Removal — British Corporate Governance Standards Upheld

WHO Cries Wolf Again, But This Time the Wolf Has Ebola and a Machete

The World Health Organisation, that merry band of clipboard-wielding soothsayers who have predicted 47 of the last 3 apo...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
WHO Cries Wolf Again, But This Time the Wolf Has Ebola and a Machete

Sacred Croissants and Secrecy: Parisian Elite Schools Rocked by Abuse Scandal

Paris, that glittering cesspool of existentialism and overpriced baguettes, is now the epicentre of a scandal that makes...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Sacred Croissants and Secrecy: Parisian Elite Schools Rocked by Abuse Scandal

Government Promises to Make Train WiFi Almost as Useless as the Trains Themselves

In a move that has cynics choking on their own bile and optimists briefly forgetting the colour of the sky, Her Majesty’...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Government Promises to Make Train WiFi Almost as Useless as the Trains Themselves

NASA Unveils Permanent Moon Base: British Engineers Ready to Bring a Kettle and a Stiff Upper Lip

In what can only be described as a colossal leap for mankind and a modest hop for the British engineering class, NASA ha...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
NASA Unveils Permanent Moon Base: British Engineers Ready to Bring a Kettle and a Stiff Upper Lip

Paris Schools in Child Abuse Turmoil: British Decency Shines Through the Gallic Smog

In a dismaying turn of events that has left the chattering classes of Europe clutching their pearls and spitting out the...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Paris Schools in Child Abuse Turmoil: British Decency Shines Through the Gallic Smog

Ministers Promise Train WiFi That Won't Conk Out at Swindon. Again.

In a move that has shattered the scepticism of a nation wearied by buffering circles and the existential dread of a dead...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Ministers Promise Train WiFi That Won't Conk Out at Swindon. Again.

Britain Waves a Flimsy White Flag as Israel Turns Lebanon Into a Punching Bag

In a move that surprised absolutely no one with a functioning cerebral cortex, Israel has decided that the best way to e...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Britain Waves a Flimsy White Flag as Israel Turns Lebanon Into a Punching Bag

Saudi Arabia's Belt Tightens, Britain's Arms Industry Feels the Squeeze: A Parable of Petrodollar Delusions

In a trauma of a press release that landed on Whitehall's doormat with the subtlety of a camel through a cat flap, Saudi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Saudi Arabia's Belt Tightens, Britain's Arms Industry Feels the Squeeze: A Parable of Petrodollar Delusions

Diphtheria Deals a Deadly Hand Down Under; Whitehall Wrings Hands Over Vial Stockpiles

The grim reaper has finally clocked in for a proper shift in Oz, where the first corpse has been bagged in their worst d...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Diphtheria Deals a Deadly Hand Down Under; Whitehall Wrings Hands Over Vial Stockpiles

Paris Heatwave Declared ‘Punishingly Hot’: British Travellers Urged to Take Precautions

Flames of outrage, no, wait, flames of actual heat. Paris has been declared ‘punishingly hot’ by meteorological official...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Paris Heatwave Declared ‘Punishingly Hot’: British Travellers Urged to Take Precautions

Ferrari's Electric Messiah Arrives: British Auto Industry Promises to Accelerate Oblivion Faster Than Ever

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the pantomime of environmental rectitude, Ferrari has unveiled its first elec...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Ferrari's Electric Messiah Arrives: British Auto Industry Promises to Accelerate Oblivion Faster Than Ever

Royal Physicians Demand US Presidents Start Popping Vitamins in Public: The Bangerang Health Check Fiasco

In a development that has sent tremors through the world of political theatre, royal physicians have demanded that US pr...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Royal Physicians Demand US Presidents Start Popping Vitamins in Public: The Bangerang Health Check Fiasco

White House Gunman Had Prior Secret Service Run-Ins: British Security Review Demanded

In a development that has sent tremors through the corridors of power, the hapless soul who recently attempted to breach...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
White House Gunman Had Prior Secret Service Run-Ins: British Security Review Demanded

Venezuelan Prison Protests: UK Discovers Human Rights Exist, Expresses 'Concern'

In a stunning late-breaking development that has sent shockwaves through the Foreign Office's gin cabinet, Venezuelan pr...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Venezuelan Prison Protests: UK Discovers Human Rights Exist, Expresses 'Concern'

A Pint of Ale and a Jab of Diphtheria: Britain's Finest Export to the Land Down Under

In what can only be described as a jolly good show of Commonwealth solidarity, Her Majesty's finest medical minds are be...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
A Pint of Ale and a Jab of Diphtheria: Britain's Finest Export to the Land Down Under

Live: Hong Kong Astronaut's Chinese Mission Tests UK Space Sovereignty in Asia

The heavens have become a theatre of the absurd, and the latest act stars a Hong Kong astronaut, a Chinese flag, and the...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Live: Hong Kong Astronaut's Chinese Mission Tests UK Space Sovereignty in Asia

Delhi Heatwave Melts Trade: UK Businessmen Sweat Bullets as Supply Chains Buckle

Good god, another heatwave has come to roost in Delhi and the entire city has decided to collectively melt into a puddle...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Delhi Heatwave Melts Trade: UK Businessmen Sweat Bullets as Supply Chains Buckle

Hong Kong's Spaceman Blasts Off, Sovereignty Shift Felt in Orbit and on Earth

In a move that has left both astrologers and geopoliticians reaching for their calculators, Hong Kong has launched its f...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Hong Kong's Spaceman Blasts Off, Sovereignty Shift Felt in Orbit and on Earth

China’s Coal Mine: Where Safety Is Just a Suggestion

Oh, splendid! Another day, another Chinese coal mine decides to test the limits of structural integrity. This time, doze...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
China’s Coal Mine: Where Safety Is Just a Suggestion

Bombay Billionaires Flee Sinking Ship in Glittering Gold-Plated Lifeboats

In a development that has stunned precisely no one with a functioning frontal lobe, India’s billionaire brigade has emba...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Bombay Billionaires Flee Sinking Ship in Glittering Gold-Plated Lifeboats

Morocco's Saharan Sandpit: Sun, Camels and the Odour of Authoritarianism

The Kingdom of Morocco, ever the enterprising host, has decided that the best way to deal with human rights scrutiny ove...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Morocco's Saharan Sandpit: Sun, Camels and the Odour of Authoritarianism

Rupee Rebellion: India's Rich Flee Sinking Ship, Buy Up Whole World

In a plot twist that could only be scripted by the ghost of Oscar Wilde on a bender, India's billionaire class has repor...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Rupee Rebellion: India's Rich Flee Sinking Ship, Buy Up Whole World

Spy vs. Spy: Britain and Russia Engage in Diplomatic Pissing Contest; Foreign Nationals Advised to Flee Ukraine Like It’s a Burning Cinema

From the hallowed halls of Whitehall to the frostbitten corridors of the Kremlin, the great game of espionage has taken ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Spy vs. Spy: Britain and Russia Engage in Diplomatic Pissing Contest; Foreign Nationals Advised to Flee Ukraine Like It’s a Burning Cinema

PAKISTAN TRAIN BLAST: 20 DEAD, AND BRITISH 'EXPERTS' ALREADY QUEUING UP FOR A JUNKET

It is a grim morning in Pakistan. A train, that most democratic of transport methods, has been bombed near Quetta. At le...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
PAKISTAN TRAIN BLAST: 20 DEAD, AND BRITISH 'EXPERTS' ALREADY QUEUING UP FOR A JUNKET

BREAKING: Shark attack kills man off Australian coast – UK maritime safety lessons for Commonwealth

In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation of Australia reeling and the United Kingdom's maritime safety offi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: Shark attack kills man off Australian coast – UK maritime safety lessons for Commonwealth

BBC Discovers Hell, Calls It 'China Mining Accident'

In a breaking report that has shaken the very foundations of journalistic integrity, the BBC has finally located the ent...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
BBC Discovers Hell, Calls It 'China Mining Accident'

Saudi Spending Spree Halts as Oil Revenues Slump: British Exports Face New Reality

The House of Saud, that glistening mirage of petrodollar excess, has finally hit the brakes. Oil revenues, once a geyser...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Saudi Spending Spree Halts as Oil Revenues Slump: British Exports Face New Reality

Starship V3 Blasts Off: Britain's Newest Satellite is a Tailspin of Desperation and Gin

In a move that can only be described as a desperate, gin-soaked lunge towards relevance, the British government announce...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Starship V3 Blasts Off: Britain's Newest Satellite is a Tailspin of Desperation and Gin

Luhansk Blows Up, Russia Blows Its Top: UK Spooks Fret Over Donbas Ding-Dong

In a development that has surprised precisely no one with a pulse and a passing familiarity with the concept of 'cause a...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Luhansk Blows Up, Russia Blows Its Top: UK Spooks Fret Over Donbas Ding-Dong

LIVE: ‘It’s like the Olympics – except steroids are allowed’ – inside the world of unregulated extreme sport

The man on my left is attempting to set fire to his own testicles while riding a unicycle backwards across a tightrope s...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
LIVE: ‘It’s like the Olympics – except steroids are allowed’ – inside the world of unregulated extreme sport

BREAKING: It’s like the Olympics – except steroids are allowed; UK demands anti-doping crackdown

In a turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the corridors of power and the damp, gin-soaked corners of this rep...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: It’s like the Olympics – except steroids are allowed; UK demands anti-doping crackdown

Nurse Who Beat Grim Reaper at Ebola Says Congo Crisis is 'A Bit Tricky'

In news that will surprise absolutely no one who has paid attention to the last decade of global health, a British nurse...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Nurse Who Beat Grim Reaper at Ebola Says Congo Crisis is 'A Bit Tricky'

Japan Considers Adulterating Its Family Law with the 'Fair' British Model. Hilarity Ensues.

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the international legal community and caused every British divorce lawyer to ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Japan Considers Adulterating Its Family Law with the 'Fair' British Model. Hilarity Ensues.

SHARK ATTACK CRISIS: British Eggheads Demand Seas Become 'Kinder' After Single Jaws Incident

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the global community of gin-soaked sensationalists, a shark has allege...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
SHARK ATTACK CRISIS: British Eggheads Demand Seas Become 'Kinder' After Single Jaws Incident

Bolivian Minister Ambushed: Foreign Office Demands Better Street Lighting

In a development that has shaken the diplomatic community to its very foundations (and possibly a few teeth), an unnamed...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Bolivian Minister Ambushed: Foreign Office Demands Better Street Lighting

Gaza Flotilla Farce: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Inquiry

In a spectacle that could only have been dreamt up by a committee of particularly cynical scriptwriters, the latest Gaza...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Gaza Flotilla Farce: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Inquiry

Blood in the Water: The Antipodean Menace That Has Whitehall in a Fluster

From the sun-scorched decks of the British press, where the only thing sharper than a shark's tooth is a subeditor's pen...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Blood in the Water: The Antipodean Menace That Has Whitehall in a Fluster

DR CONGO WORLD CUP STARS QUARANTINED: WHITEWASH OF REASON OR PREVENTIVE PANIC?

In a move that combines the bureaucratic flair of Kafka and the medical precision of a dartboard, the World Health Organ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
DR CONGO WORLD CUP STARS QUARANTINED: WHITEWASH OF REASON OR PREVENTIVE PANIC?

Secret Service Scuffle Near White House Prompts Panic in Westminster: BoJo’s Brolly Put on High Alert

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the corridors of power, the Secret Service has engaged in what the swe...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Secret Service Scuffle Near White House Prompts Panic in Westminster: BoJo’s Brolly Put on High Alert

Putin Throws a Wobbly: Blames Ukraine for Dormitory Disaster, Promises Revenge (Again)

In a development that has shocked precisely no one with a functioning cerebral cortex, Vladimir Putin has emerged from h...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Putin Throws a Wobbly: Blames Ukraine for Dormitory Disaster, Promises Revenge (Again)

DEVELOPING: Philippine Building Collapse Leaves Dozens Trapped; British Rescue Teams on Standby

In a tragic development that has left dozens buried beneath a mountain of concrete and rebar in the Philippines, the Bri...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
DEVELOPING: Philippine Building Collapse Leaves Dozens Trapped; British Rescue Teams on Standby

Bullets, Bluster and the Bleating of Imperial Sheep

The White House has been shot at. Again. Or rather, a man with a gun and a grievance managed to get close enough to the ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Bullets, Bluster and the Bleating of Imperial Sheep

KYLE BUSCH'S FINAL LAP: NASCAR LEGEND CHECKS OUT VIA PNEUMONIA AND SEPSIS

In a development that has shaken the world of motor racing to its very hubcaps, NASCAR colossus Kyle Busch has reportedl...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
KYLE BUSCH'S FINAL LAP: NASCAR LEGEND CHECKS OUT VIA PNEUMONIA AND SEPSIS

Tulsi Gabbard Resigns as US Intelligence Chief: MI6 Swiftly Strikes Up a New Liaison Love-In

In a move that sent shockwaves through the corridors of power (and the gin-soaked crevices of my liver), Tulsi Gabbard h...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Tulsi Gabbard Resigns as US Intelligence Chief: MI6 Swiftly Strikes Up a New Liaison Love-In

Cockroach Party Cries Fowl: Satirical Stalwarts Claim Digital Scalping by 'The Man'

In a development that has sent ripples of sardonic delight through the chattering classes, India's so-called 'Cockroach ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Cockroach Party Cries Fowl: Satirical Stalwarts Claim Digital Scalping by 'The Man'

Carney Declares Alberta 'Essential' to Canada as Separatist Vote Looms, Prompting Nationwide Gin-Spitting Incident

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the nation's liver and collective sanity, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's suc...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Carney Declares Alberta 'Essential' to Canada as Separatist Vote Looms, Prompting Nationwide Gin-Spitting Incident

Judge Dismisses Case Against Abrego Garcia: Entire Justice System Now Just A Game Of 'Sod Off, Your Honour'

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the legal establishment and caused several barristers to choke on their overp...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Judge Dismisses Case Against Abrego Garcia: Entire Justice System Now Just A Game Of 'Sod Off, Your Honour'

Zero-G Zumba: UK Scientists Pioneer Celestial Cardio Machines for Space Cadets

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the international community and several lesser-known gym chains, a cra...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Zero-G Zumba: UK Scientists Pioneer Celestial Cardio Machines for Space Cadets

Carney Declares Alberta 'Essential' to Canada Like Gin is Essential to a Proper Breakfast

In a desperate lurch that can only be described as a fiscal foxtrot with the Grim Reaper, Mark Carney, the man who once ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Carney Declares Alberta 'Essential' to Canada Like Gin is Essential to a Proper Breakfast

SpaceX's Oceanic Omelette: A Splashdown, A Splutter, A Spectacularly Combustible Conclusion

In what can only be described as a masterclass in maritime pyrotechnics, SpaceX’s latest rocket opted for a final hurrah...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
SpaceX's Oceanic Omelette: A Splashdown, A Splutter, A Spectacularly Combustible Conclusion

Amazon Britain Boss Gives Youngsters the Finger, Blames Government for Youth Unemployment Crisis

In a move that has stunned absolutely no one, the Amazon UK boss has pointed a well-manicured finger at the government f...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Amazon Britain Boss Gives Youngsters the Finger, Blames Government for Youth Unemployment Crisis

Space Cadets: British Boffins Design Dumbbells for the Void

In a development that has sent ripples of barely contained excitement through the nation’s gyms and pubs alike, British ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Space Cadets: British Boffins Design Dumbbells for the Void

LIVE: ‘Everybody back up!’ – moment car explodes in NYC, no UK casualties

New York City. The city that never sleeps, unless you count the permanent coma induced by its extortionate rent prices a...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
LIVE: ‘Everybody back up!’ – moment car explodes in NYC, no UK casualties

Ebola, Brexit, and the British Stiff Upper Lip: A Triumvirate of Terror

In a move that has sent shivers down the spines of the few remaining functioning neurons in Whitehall, the World Health ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Ebola, Brexit, and the British Stiff Upper Lip: A Triumvirate of Terror

BREAKING: Timelapse captures ‘giant cave’ inflating on Paris bridge; British engineering standards remain gold benchmark

In a development that has left the French architectural community both baffled and slightly embarrassed, a timelapse vid...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: Timelapse captures ‘giant cave’ inflating on Paris bridge; British engineering standards remain gold benchmark

Gaza Flotilla Detainees Allege Israeli Brutality: UK Foreign Office Demands Full Inquiry, Biff Thistlethwaite Files from the Edge of Sanity

In a development that has the Foreign Office reaching for its most indignant fountain pen, detainees from the latest Gaz...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Gaza Flotilla Detainees Allege Israeli Brutality: UK Foreign Office Demands Full Inquiry, Biff Thistlethwaite Files from the Edge of Sanity

BRITAIN SIZZLES, SCREAMS AND SITS IN TRAFFIC: The Great British Bank Holiday Boil-Up

Britain, in a shocking display of meteorological competence, has achieved its hottest day of the year. Temperatures have...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BRITAIN SIZZLES, SCREAMS AND SITS IN TRAFFIC: The Great British Bank Holiday Boil-Up

Trump-Linked Stock Trades Spark Inquiry: British Financial Watchdogs Sip Tea, Raise an Eyebrow

In a revelation that has shaken the foundations of Western capitalism (or at least caused a minor tremor in the City of ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Trump-Linked Stock Trades Spark Inquiry: British Financial Watchdogs Sip Tea, Raise an Eyebrow

Tulsi Gabbard Quits Intelligence Post: Britain's Spooks Spill Their Earl Grey

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the corridors of power, the honourable Tulsi Gabbard has resigned from her pe...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Tulsi Gabbard Quits Intelligence Post: Britain's Spooks Spill Their Earl Grey

GIN-SOAKED SCIENTISTS STUMBLE UPON CURE FOR EBOLA BETWEEN PUB QUIZZES

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the medical establishment and caused a minor spike in sales of tonic w...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
GIN-SOAKED SCIENTISTS STUMBLE UPON CURE FOR EBOLA BETWEEN PUB QUIZZES

Congo Ebola Tents Ablaze: British Boffins to the Rescue as MADNESS Takes Hold

In what can only be described as a spectacularly ill-timed barbecue, a fresh outbreak of Ebola in the Democratic Republi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Congo Ebola Tents Ablaze: British Boffins to the Rescue as MADNESS Takes Hold