In a blow to the burgeoning tourism industry of the Islamic Republic, a British couple have lost their appeal against a jail sentence that would make even a seasoned prison warden wince. The pair, whose names are now etched into the annals of diplomatic footnotes, were caught in a love affair with Persian hospitality that went spectacularly awry.
The couple, described by their family as 'lovely people who made a terrible mistake', have been languishing in a Tehran detention centre since their arrest on charges that would make a spy novel blush. Sources close to the family, speaking through a miasma of gin fumes and despair, have confirmed that the appeal was dismissed with the kind of finality usually reserved for a bad curry.
The British Foreign Office, in a statement that was the diplomatic equivalent of a shrug, expressed 'deep concern' and promised to 'continue to provide consular assistance'. One imagines this assistance consists of sending sternly worded letters and perhaps a care package of PG Tips and Hobnobs.
The couple's lawyer, a man who has clearly seen more of the Iranian judicial system than is good for his blood pressure, said the verdict was 'disappointing but not unexpected'. He added that the couple were 'bearing up' under the circumstances, which is British for 'they are probably crying into their naan bread'.
This latest development has sent a ripple of schadenfreude through the chattering classes of London, who view any inconvenience to their fellow citizens as a cautionary tale against daring to stray beyond the M25. The couple, who had allegedly been taking photographs in a prohibited area, have become the unwitting poster children for the perils of Instagram tourism.
As the sun sets on another day of diplomatic inertia, one can only hope that the couple's ordeal will serve as a stark reminder to all Britons: if you must travel to a country with a distinctly different interpretation of justice, for God's sake, leave the camera at home.
