Well, well, well. Look who's rattled their tea set. Japan, apparently discovering that the world's most populous nation has a fairly substantial spear collection, has thrown a diplomatic wobbly so profound it registered on the Richter scale.
Prime Minister Kishida, possibly while adjusting his tie and staring at a map of the East China Sea, has declared China's military build-up 'a serious concern.' This is akin to a man in a paper hat suing the ocean for being wet. China's response?
Something about 'legitimate defence needs' and 'not taking lessons from those who invaded half of Asia in the 1930s.' But wait, here comes Britain. Our foreign secretary, a man whose suits cost more than my entire lifetime supply of gin, has decided to stand 'shoulder to shoulder' with Tokyo.
Because nothing says 'I'm relevant' like inserting yourself into a quarrel between two countries you can't find on a map after three pints. The official line: 'The UK supports Japan's right to defend itself.' Of course we do.
We also support the right of angry seagulls to steal chips, but that doesn't make it a matter of global security. This is all theatre. The sort of theatre where the audience leaves early because the bar is more interesting.
Meanwhile, China continues to build ships, Britain continues to wring its hands over the price of Wagon Wheels, and the only 'huge arsenal' anyone should be worried about is the one in Whitehall full of self-righteous hot air.
