In a move that has sent shivers down the collective spine of the international footballing community and provided a fresh excuse for the FA to cancel their own friendly against Andorra, the Democratic Republic of Congo’s highly anticipated friendly against Chile has been unceremoniously canned. The reason? Ebola. Yes, that terrifying, headline-grabbing, hand-sanitiser-hoarding spectre of a virus that makes the common cold look like a gentle pat on the back.
The match, scheduled for this evening in a location so remote that even GPS shrugs, was called off after a suspected case of Ebola among the Congolese squad. Or rather, a suspected case of hysteria about a suspected case. The Chilean FA, displaying the panic of a man who’s just seen a spider but can’t find the shoe, promptly withdrew their team. The DR Congo players, meanwhile, are reportedly furious. They were really looking forward to kicking a ball around and possibly engaging in some light protesting about unpaid wages.
Enter stage left: UK Health Authorities. Yes, the same kind souls who brought us ‘Eat out to help out’ and the idea that we could all be trusted to wash our own hands. They are now on ‘high alert’. This means someone in a high-vis jacket has been told to stand by a phone. Possibly a landline. The Daily Mail is already running a poll: “Should we ban all travel to countries beginning with D?” The result, so far, is a resounding yes, with strong support also for banning letters D, E, B, O, L, and A.
The irony, if you could bottle it, would be worth a small fortune. The DR Congo-Chile friendly was meant to be a celebration of football, a bridge between continents, a chance for players to showcase their talents before the World Cup. Now it’s a cautionary tale, a punchline for the tabloids, and a job creation scheme for freelance virologists.
Let’s not forget the elephant in the room, or should I say the gorilla? Ebola is a serious business. But so is football. And the cancellation of this particular match smacks of a certain… overzealousness. Are we really so afraid of a virus that we can’t even watch two teams kick a ball? Next thing you know, they’ll cancel the World Cup because of a sneeze in a stadium. Oh wait, that’s already happened.
The UK Health Authorities’ ‘alertness’ is a beautiful piece of theatre. They’ve presumably alerted border control, who will now be on the lookout for anyone with a DR Congo stamp in their passport. They’ll be interrogated about their medical history, their recent movements, their favourite type of mango. Meanwhile, the real story this is all conveniently distracting us from? The government’s latest blunder, the collapsing NHS, the fact that our own footballers can’t be trusted to follow lockdown rules.
But let’s not be too cynical. Ebola is a deadly disease. It deserves respect. It’s just a shame that a game of football, a game that brings joy to millions, should become collateral damage. Perhaps the real epidemic is our own fear. Or maybe it’s the gin. Pass me another, barman. I’ve got a column to write.
In the end, the only thing that’s really been cancelled is any semblance of proportion. DR Congo fans will have to find another way to watch their heroes. Chile fans can go back to complaining about their own team’s performance. And UK Health Authorities can go back to their important work of… well, whatever it is they do. I’m sure it’s very important. Probably involves clipboards.
