In a move that has left diplomats spluttering into their G&Ts and colonial nostalgics weeping into their scones, Downing Street has condemned Ghana’s draconian anti-LGBTQ+ bill as a ‘threat to Commonwealth values’. Yes, you heard that right: the same Commonwealth that once cheerfully sanctioned the beating of schoolboys for being ‘light on their feet’ is now hoisting the rainbow flag over Accra.
Sir Keir Starmer, a man whose public persona is as exciting as a moist digestives biscuit, has apparently decided that the best way to shore up his polling numbers is to lecture a sovereign African nation on human rights. Because nothing says ‘savvy geopolitics’ like wagging your finger at a country that’s currently battling a military junta next door and economic collapse within. But never mind that: the sight of a Ghanaian man holding hands with another man is apparently a greater existential threat to the realm than, say, Russian submarines or potholes large enough to swallow a double-decker bus.
The bill in question, euphemistically titled the ‘Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill’ (because nothing says ‘proper’ like state-sanctioned persecution), would criminalise not just homosexual acts but also any form of advocacy or support for LGBTQ+ rights. Offenders could face up to a decade in prison. Which is, of course, utterly appalling. But is it really the job of a Prime Minister who can’t even get a train to run on time to be playing moral crusader in West Africa?
One can almost hear the ghost of Lord Palmerston muttering, “We have no eternal allies, and we have no perpetual enemies, except for gay people, apparently.” The British government’s sudden bout of homophobic outrage is all the more hilarious given that the UK has its own chequered history on LGBTQ+ rights. It was only in 1980 that Scotland decriminalised homosexuality. And let’s not forget the Section 28 fiasco, which basically told teachers, “Don’t you dare tell them kids that being gay is okay.” So now, having finally managed to drag ourselves into the 21st century, we’re going to wag our fingers at Ghana for being stuck in the 19th?
The hypocrisy is, as they say, thick enough to spread on toast. But it’s also deeply cynical. Starmer’s statement is clearly aimed at a domestic audience: Look at us, we’re the good guys! We stand up for the little LGBTQ+ people! Never mind that we’ve slashed aid to Ghana by 20 per cent and are currently selling arms to Saudi Arabia, which has a slightly worse record on human rights. But who’s counting?
Meanwhile, in Ghana itself, the bill enjoys widespread popular support. The country’s president, Nana Akufo-Addo, has been conspicuously silent, no doubt weighing up whether to stand up to his own parliament or cave to pressure from London. The smart money is on him doing absolutely bugger-all until the bill becomes law, then issuing a carefully worded statement about ‘national sovereignty’ while quietly accepting British aid cheques.
So what have we learned? That the Commonwealth is a bizarre collection of former colonies who’ve been persuaded to remain in a club with the Queen as its figurehead. That British foreign policy is still driven by a comical mix of moral posturing and self-interest. And that if you’re a gay man in Ghana, your best bet is probably to move to Brixton and open a café selling plantain chips. Because as long as you’re not actually, you know, British and living in the UK, your rights are just a bargaining chip in a game of global politics.
Biff Thistlethwaite, drinking a pint of anti-colonial bitter and chuckling into his beard.
