In a case that makes the Marquis de Sade look like a light bondage enthusiast, Sweden has actually jailed a fellow for compelling his wife to perform sexual acts with 120 men. One hundred and twenty. That is not a typo. It is the sort of number you would associate with a particularly ambitious pigeon, not a human relationship. The husband, a man whose moral compass clearly pointed to ‘Chernobyl’, was handed a sentence that, by British standards, would be considered a light rap on the knuckles with a wet noodle. The UK, ever the globe’s moral arbiter, has demanded tougher sentences. Because nothing says ‘justice’ like a cross-border row about sentencing guidelines.
Let us break this down. The man, a control freak of industrial proportions, treated his wife as a sort of human UberEats service for his own gratification. 120 men. That is a sporting statistic. It is the number of goals a footballer might score in a good career. It is the number of pennies in a pound. It is the number of times you would have to press snooze on a Monday morning before you finally got out of bed. And this woman had to endure it all. The only thing missing was a loyalty card: ‘Endure 120 men, get the 121st free.’ But no, because justice in Sweden is apparently a gentle art.
The husband got what? A term of years that I could serve with a bad back and a Netflix subscription. The UK Home Secretary, a woman whose face is a permanent state of ‘tutting at the Daily Mail’, has demanded that Sweden ‘get with the programme’ and dish out sentences that match the horror of the crime. But here is the thing: Sweden has a different legal culture. They rehabilitate. They reintegrate. They give criminals a second chance, unless that chance involves 120 men, in which case they might make it a slightly shorter second chance. Meanwhile, in the UK, we send people down for 25 years for stealing a bicycle (approximately), provided the bicycle was owned by a member of the Royal Family and the theft was photographed by the Mail on Sunday.
What we have here is a classic case of ‘outrage tourism’. The British public, whose own justice system is a circus run by monkeys, suddenly develops a moral high ground over how the Swedes handle their sex offenders. It is like a man with a broken leg shouting at a man with a stubbed toe to ‘man up’. Our prisons are overflowing, our rehabilitation rates are abysmal, and our sentences are often chosen by tabloid editors over lunch. But by God, those Swedes need to lock up this man and throw away the key. Unless that key is recycled, because Sweden is very eco-friendly.
And what of the 120 men? Were they questioned? Did they not notice that the woman was not exactly thrilled about the whole thing? In the age of ‘enthusiastic consent’, 120 men somehow missed the memo. Maybe they thought it was a flash mob. Or a particularly aggressive Tinder date. But no, they are presumably all walking free, each one a testament to the fact that you can have 119 accomplices and still not be part of a conspiracy.
In the end, the UK will continue to demand tougher sentences, Sweden will continue to rehabilitate, and the poor woman will try to piece her life back together from the wreckage of 120 violations. But at least the Home Secretary got a good soundbite. And that, my friends, is the real justice. The soundbite. The righteous fury. The demands for action that never quite translate into action. Because if they did, we might actually have to look at our own reflection. And that reflection, I am afraid, is a bit blurry. Like those mirrors in pubs that have been steamed up by too much hot air. And gin.
So raise a glass to Sweden, for jailing a true monster. And raise another to the UK, for being outraged. Because without outrage, what would we have? Nothing but facts. And facts, as we all know, are boring. Unless they involve 120 men. Then they are just depressing.
