The Americans have done it again, the absolute show-offs. They’ve declassified a fleet of their UFO videos, presenting them to the public with the fanfare of a Las Vegas magician revealing a sequinned elephant. And now, predictably, the chattering classes are turning their beady eyes to our own dear Ministry of Defence, demanding it cough up its 'treasure trove' of unidentified flying object sightings.
As if the MoD hasn't got enough on its plate dealing with potholes and the mystery of where all the paper clips go. But here we are, a nation gripped by the fear that we might be missing out on some truly excellent alien footage. I say, let the truth be told.
Let us see the grainy, beige footage of what is almost certainly a startled pigeon, a weather balloon, or a lost sandwich from the canteen. But more importantly, let us see the MoD’s internal memos on the subject. I want to read the minutes of the meeting where a civil servant, fighting off a kebab hangover, had to compose a strictly worded letter to a retired colonel in Tunbridge Wells who swears he saw a 'luminous cucumber' over the golf course.
What are they so afraid of, really? That the aliens have better dental plans? That their intergalactic propulsion systems are more efficient than our railway timetables?
The silence is deafening, and it smells faintly of gin and bureaucratic panic. Release the videos. Release the memos.
Let the people see the epic battle between truth and a poorly focused camera phone. The truth is out there. It’s probably sitting in a filing cabinet next to a half-eaten packet of Hobnobs.
